Writer-turned-not-lawyer-turned-lawyer-turned-writer Elizabeth Wurtzel has been on a sort of musical jag lately. Last month she wrote in the Daily Beast about her heaviness relationship with Paul Westerberg, and how he wrote a song about him. Today in the catalog of thoughts (which is right really, really weird placement), she recounts how she fucked a pseudonymous married musician, who also wrote a song about her. Next step: Dave Pirner in the BuzzFeed community forums!
The central idea of Wurtzel’s cataloged thought, which like all his thoughts is a charming and wispy and sometimes surprising but always curvy stream of words, is that it’s fun to have sex and even more fun to have sex with. ” having sex with people you have seen on TV (also: any woman entering a hotel room with a man automatically consents to having sex with that man in that hotel room, a rule that many of women are unfortunately not familiar with it.)
Once, Wurtzel tells us, before 9/11, she met this guy, a musician, whom she had seen playing on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. She calls this musician “Clark”. They ended up talking on the phone, for two hours, shortly after the attacks. It was an intense conversation.
What did we talk about? To be moved, I’m sure. And many others. I don’t remember, which means it must have been amazing. Of course it was.
In the end, Clark told me he was going to get married and move to Los Angeles, but talking to me made him wonder if those two things were wrong. Of course they were.
Flash forward a decade. Wurtzel goes to see Clark play at the Bowery Ballroom. They hang out backstage. Clark is still married. They go to his hotel and hang out in the lobby. Wurtzel asks him: “Do you want to start?“The rest of the story,” she says, “is not worth telling.” Then she tells it: they make love, she raid the minibar for “Milky Way and Pinot Noir. .. between two blowjobs “, Clark feels guilty about her marriage, but he writes her a song, she keeps writing” such clear sentences, someone who doesn’t speak English would understand “, they stop to speak, she apologizes years later for being “not a good person to mingle with.”
So who is Clark? Here are some of the data points provided by Wurtzel:
• “I saw Clark on Jay Leno’s show in 2001 …”
• He was “handsome with blue eyes that looked blue on bad TV”.
• He lived in New York in 2001.
• He moved to Los Angeles shortly after September 11.
• He married after 2001.
• “As 2010 turned to 2011 at the start of the cold, dark season,” Clark performed at the Bowery Ballroom.
• “Someone posted on Twitter that Clark was playing at the Bowery Ballroom. I tweeted him and said it would be fun to go.”
• At the end of 2010 / early 2011, Clark was “just turned 40”.
• He wrote a “beautiful song” about her that “said something about how he would never forget the night we met” and appeared “on his most recent album”.
Wurtzel’s portrayal of Clark screams a low-powered independent troubadour, and there really aren’t many of those guys left. We know she’s a Westerberg fan (or was until she met him), which limits the pool even more: Jesse Malin, maybe? Pirner? Clark first read me as Rhett Miller, the ancestor country-rock frontman of the ’97s.
• Rhett Miller has very blue eyes.
• According to public records, Miller lived in New York City.
• According to public records, he also lived in Southern California.
• While I haven’t found any evidence that Wurtzel retweeted anything about the 97s, there is this Twitter post from December 2010 encouraging Dallas clubgoers to check them out. (Wurtzel is not what you would call a reliable narrator.)
• Miller turned 40 on September 6, 2010.
• Miller’s last solo record, The dreamer, was released last year. His first track, “Lost Without You, ”describes a brief love story:“ I was working on a bottle of wine when she pulled up outside / It shone like an open sign on a place I had never tried / So I gave her told my life about the course of the night / She was not like the others until she left. “
I emailed Wurtzel asking if Clark was Rhett Miller. His answer :
Do not say. But I’m glad you’re interested. It’s an interesting theory.
How’s it going at Gawker?
So there you have it: Elizabeth Wurtzel won’t say if she fucked Rhett Miller and then wrote about the affair in a thinly veiled memory for the Thoughts Catalog. But it’s an interesting theory. Things are going well here, I guess, Elizabeth.
[Images via Getty]