9 text messages to send to someone you ghost, according to a dating coach

So you have someone ghost. Despite your daily claims “I live in the truth”, Brené Brown #boundaries and Megan Thee Stallion power playlist, you totally chickened out and left your date reading – always. But in the words of Justin Bieber, it’s not too late now to apologize. And if you’re trying to take responsibility for your past actions (or lack thereof), these nine SMS to send to someone you ghost are a great place to start.

“With this kind of thing, we do not apologize enough”, dating coach Clara Artschwager Bustle said. “It’s so easy for people to get out of the digital backdoor that there is so much power to apologize even in the first place.”

While you may feel stressed about writing the perfect copy, Artschwager urges you not to overcomplicate it. “Think about the most human response,” Artschwager says. “Take back your mistake and let it be.”

When reach out to someone you ghostArtschwager says they don’t expect a response from them. It’s not the ghost’s job to make you feel better for blowing them up.

“Be clear on Why you send the message first, Artschwager says. “It is not that person’s responsibility to absolve you of the guilt you have or to ease your anxiety.”

Here are nine text messages to send to someone you left in the embarrassment.


“Hey Sam! Griffin from Hinge here. I wanted to apologize for ghosting you last fall. It wasn’t nice of me and you didn’t deserve it.

In an attempt by Marie Kondo in their social life, Artschwager explains that your date may have deleted your number after ghosting. Saying your name and then offering a concise apology lets you take responsibility without having your date say, “New phone, who’s that?”


“I’m sorry I fell off the map last spring. I was going through a lot and should have communicated it more clearly at the time. It wasn’t fair to you.”

While you might feel compelled to explain that your dad was sick, your horrible ex got engaged, your roommate moved out, and your boss doubled your workload at the same time, Artschwager says a long list of reasons Why you ghost is not necessary. “Something simple, short and tight,” Artschwager says. “If that seems appropriate to you, you can say, ‘I was going through something,’ but you don’t want that to be an excuse.”


“Hey, I’m sorry I haven’t answered you in weeks. It was really rude of me. I wish you the best.

If your date was more with you than you were with it, you might be afraid that reaching out might feel like you want to see it again. Let them know you’re sorry you bailed out while (softly) establishing that this is the end of your connection.


“Hey Nick, I enjoyed getting to know you but I was afraid to tell you that wasn’t right for me. I’m sorry I wasn’t mature enough to tell you then.”

While you certainly don’t need to say you hate the way they chewed with their mouths open, loved horrible music, or talked about their ex for an hour, Artschwager explains that you can be level with them. If you ghost someone because you were afraid of capital-R Reject them, say you acted immature and own your mistakes.


“Woah, I went to close my eyes for an hour and fell asleep for three weeks. What did I miss? “

If your date was an occasional encounter or you’ve always had a sarcastic relationship, it may seem appropriate to play a joke about your sudden absence. But don’t forget to read the play. If you were dating someone completely and evaporating in midair, making a joke and playing down their feelings isn’t cute.


“Hey Alex, I’m sorry I disappeared last month. I had just come out of a breakup and wasn’t ready to go out again. I should have been more mature and explained my situation earlier.”

Sometimes you don’t realize you’re not in a place to hang out until you see someone and give up the ball totally. While you don’t need to read them an entry in your journal, let your partner know that you are sorry for involving them in your transition period.


“Yo, I messed it up. I hope you’re doing well, and I’m sorry if I caused you stress, you didn’t deserve this.

You don’t have to walk 100 miles through the wilderness on your knees repenting Mary Oliver. Address that you messed up without being the victim.


“I had a great time with you and would love to see you again, but I totally understand if you are looking for someone more reliable.”

Just as you have the right to create new, healthy dating habits, your partner has the right not to accept your offer. If you still love them, let them know that you would love to see them again, but you don’t expect them to instantly forgive and forget.


“I was just thinking about you, and I feel so embarrassed about the way I’ve handled everything.” The ghost was not cool and I’m sorry.

Maybe something random happened that reminded you of your first date with this person. Or maybe your best friend just ghosted, and now you feel guilty about ghosting someone. Either way, if the person you are ghosting comes to mind, Artschwager suggests contacting them quickly and apologizing.

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